


Capture the Flag Cthulhu

by bluerosele



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Cthulhu Mythos - H. P. Lovecraft
Genre: AO3 Generator Births Evil, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, CRACK OF CTHULHU, Carmilla is Beyond Done, Cat Why Did You Make Me Do This, Completely Inaccurate Depiction of Cthulhu Mythos, Crack, Cthulhu is Beyond Done, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, LaFontaine Takes Care of Angler Fish Demigods Like a Goldfish, Like an Angler Fish Demigod is Currently So, Lovecraftian Cannibal OC's, No This Isn't Monster's University Whaaaaat?, OC's - Freeform, Someone catches on fire but they're alright it happens, Why Did I Write This?, Would it Really be that Much of a Surprise if Cthulhu was Silas's Mascot, Yes Really Cthulhu, attempted human sacrifice, cannibals, super crack, ultimate crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-23
Updated: 2015-06-23
Packaged: 2018-04-05 17:59:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4189569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluerosele/pseuds/bluerosele
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A new fraternity pops up on campus, students are being sacrificed (again), LaFontaine might've dabbled in aquarian god mythos, but most importantly does this mean Greek Week Games are canceled?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Capture the Flag Cthulhu

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Stupid Butt Face Cat](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Stupid+Butt+Face+Cat), [20RavenousTemptress15](https://archiveofourown.org/users/20RavenousTemptress15/gifts).



> This is all your fault Cat.  
> Apologies to any actual fraternity with the name Tau Chi Omega, if there even is one, this in no way reflects them. Unless they really are Cthulhu worshiping cannibals. Then that's cool.  
> TW: attempt at cannibalism

Silas, despite it's many unorthodox curriculums and obstacles surrounding the campus to actually attend those curriculums, is still a University. And being a University it's hard to avoid being dragged down by some sort of society systems dedicated to raising school spirit. This some sort of society system dedicated to raising school spirit took the form of a giant golden retriever who resembled a human pouncing on Laura chanting something possibly demonic. 

 _"ZETA OMEGA MU WE BRING THE SPIRIT TO YOU COME TO GREEK GAMES AND SEE US BEAT ANYONE WHO ISN'T MU-MU-MU!"_ Kirsch's painted face flashes in vibrant greens swirling in front of Laura, which meshes well with the screaming and shaking of her shoulders, effectively overwhelming Laura. 

Before Laura is eaten by Kirsch, or transcended into the spirit of the school (because Silas very well could have an spiritual plane of existence), a hand the size of Kirsch's face pushes him aside. As he's still grasping Laura, she is also almost pulled downwards, but that same mysterious saving/attacking hand steadies Laura upwards and twirls her around. 

Danny's face is also painted in more calming pastel colors, and even more calming lack of screaming, "Sorry about that, Laura, you okay?" 

Laura nods, trying to cover the nervous giggling by saying, "Thanks for the Knight in Shining Pastel--what's with all the,"

Suddenly, Laura's bouncing along with a jumping Danny, but due to the height difference it's more like Laura's being thrown in the air. _"S-U-M-M-E-R WIN YOU CAN BET SUMMER SOCIETY WILL MAKE SCHOOL SPIRIT OUR NUMBER ONE PRIORITY"_

The world is breaking and Laura's brain might have snapped of its stem. It's no secret Silas has precarious threats, but Laura never expected her cause of demise to be as anticlimactic as being pepped to death. 

"D-Danny-y-y. Please. Tall. Very tall, too much tall," Laura can only splutter out in-between breaths being knocked out of her in every bounce. Somehow Danny understands and stops with the jostling, though doesn't let go, spinning her around in a claiming hug. 

"Back off, Willy. She's on our side," Danny says, or kinda growls, to the sprawled out Kirsch, who valiantly tries to arrange himself back up. 

He finally does spring up, getting into Danny's face, and uncomfortably squishing Laura between the two warring societies. "Not cool, Hottie with the Tall body, I got to her first." 

"No, you attacked her first."

"So did you! You almost threw her into a tree."

"Well, I helped her defeat a evil blob of evil and not get eaten by a wormhole full of vampires, that deserves at least one pledge." 

"So did I!"

"You were bait."

" _Participation counts!_ "

"Teacher Assistant! TA rights, TA student, academically I guide her and subsequently guide her through this war,"

Kirsch huffs out half-attempted retorts that ghost across Laura's face, who still, is caught against the two. Though, she's not entirely sure this is about Laura anymore. Taking a deep breath Kirsch decides on, " _Your chant is stupid._ "  

Danny makes some sort of insulted squeak, and further drags Laura back to shield against Kirsch's apparent low blow. "It's Summer Society, we only have so many options. Everything rhymes with Mu, you sound like a cat. Like a big dumb cat. Mew-mew-mew-mew!"

"Don't take the Zeta Omega Mu name in vain!" 

This, Danny meowing and Kirsch shrieking 'ZETA OMEGA MU WILL BEAT YOU' over and over to defend his honor, goes on for what feels like eternity, but is probably twenty seconds. Because good things also surprisingly happen at Silas, like having vampire girlfriends who can rip away angry warrior giants. 

"Sorry kiddies, if you kill my girlfriend after surviving my mothers sacrificial thousands years old tradition, I'll start a new one specifically focused for school society participants." Carmilla purrs, dangling Danny and Kirsch by the scruff of their shirts. 

As much as Laura enjoys the view of the giants flailing in the hold of someone half their heights combined, she's spent the last few months defending Carmilla's continuing enrollment in Silas despite her nonconsensual participation in mass murders over the years, and she'd rather not have all that effort thrown away. "Carm, put them down. They choke cause they're excited--about something?" 

Danny's the first to wriggle out of Carmilla's hold, landing on her feet, standing tall with the remaining dignity she has, "Silas University's 398th Greek Games." She grins wide and wolfish, her teeth glinting with the idea of tearing into her enemies. Or, at least, Laura supposes that's what the smile means. 

Kirsch's landing is a little less graceful, but he catches himself on his knees pushing himself towards Laura in a mock proposal stance, "And representing Silas University's greatest competitors I, Zeta Omega Mu, invite you, Smartie Hottie, to pledge your cheers to our Fraternity and help us defeat all who oppose us. Specifically, stupid Summer Societies which don't even have Greek letters." 

Somewhere in the distance Laura hears Carmilla's despondent sigh of, "For the Love of Angler Fish Gods, how is this still a thing?" but before Laura can ask for more clarification, Danny assumes a similar position, knocking over Kirsch in the process. 

"And representing Silas University's All Female Society of strong warriors and academic elites, I, Summer Society and your TA, invite you, Laura Hollis, to pledge your support to our Society and help us unite all warrior women against all fraternities." 

"Wow, two proposals in one day, I better keep an eye on you cupcake," Carmilla says, slinging an arm around her shoulders. 

"Was my soul just taken? What's going on? Why am I being proposed to?" Despite the support she's received from the two Campus warlords, Laura has learned to ease into any Silas activity with caution. And bear spray. 

"Bloodsport." Carmilla says.

Laura laughs, trying to will away whatever destruction Silas wants to throw at her, but is met with no denial. 

"Bloodsport?" 

"Bloodsport." They all say in unison. 

Right, of course. Bloodsport. 

* * *

It shouldn't come as a much of a surprise as it does that Silas's establishment of societies was based on gladiatorial combat, really Laura calls herself a Journalist and couldn't deduce the origins of the turf wars between all campus groups. 

The rest of the afternoon is running away from any member of any society on campus. Sometimes this resorted to hiding in bushes every now and then, but there is no shame in hiding in bushes when it comes to frantic Greek Week Game participants. After the sanctuary of classrooms are no longer available, Laura takes refuge in the next most authoritative outlet. 

"Perry, Silas doesn't actually have bloodsport, right?" 

Perry turns from her dorm plants she's dusting (is plant dusting even a thing?) looking appalled. "No, of course not." 

Midway through Laura's sigh of relief, Perry continues, "That'd be far too messy. The blood part was taken out ages ago. Now it's just, really aggressive capture the flag." 

"Oh, well, of course." Laura says watching Perry move over to wiping her pens and pencils. 

* * *

Beyond usurping conspiring board members using their students as sacrificial ceremonies, Silas's newest and most conventional college feature was the acquisition of a mascot. A mascot which happened to be a centuries old giant angler fish demigod, but a successful and intimidating mascot nevertheless. 

LaFontaine has appointed themself as the head caretaker of the onsite mascot, and can usually be found feeding it from the fifty foot dock they placed around it. Climbing was a pain, but LaF was smart and usually had the most reassuring answers for situations like these (situations that present themselves too often). 

For the first few minuets in which Laura hyperventilates lying on the wooden planks, LaFontaine goes about throwing hunks of meat over the side to Silas's new pet, not paying attention to the dying friend at their side. Eventually, however, they say, "Don't worry, Hollis, no ones gonna die." 

"You...can...understand my...apprehension in trusting...that won't be the...outcome?" 

"Games are totally safe--well, relatively safe. Safe considering it's a bunch of Athletes battling for the right of staying in Silas's best Society house for the year."

"I...reiterate...should we not--?"

"Death means disqualification, and after the whole debacle with Bulby here I don't think anyone really wants to bum anyone out during the festivities. But, they just didn't understand you Bulby did they, did they?" LaFontaine coos at the giant mouth of a fish, which Laura can see waggling it's disproportionately small fins in excitement.

"You realize that thing ate people?"

LaFontaine lightly kicks Laura's still heaving side, " _She_ ate what she was fed, she didn't know what it was and--" they grab another slab of meat from the pile and toss it over. Bulby consumes it with a vicious rage of a hungry god. LaFontaine makes an 'aw' noise. "She likes prime rib more anyhow." 

Half shrugging with meek strength, Laura crawls back over to the ladder to return to some level of reality.

"Oh, and Hollis, next time you want to visit the petting zoo, take the dumbwaiter next time. It's a bit easier." They point over small platform structured around the edge of the dock and the Clock tower.

Like a good friend, LaFontaine helps secure the sobbing Laura to the dumbwaiter.

* * *

"So, what? We just chant for whichever team and that's supposed to help me get the flag?" Laura's in the bleachers, overseeing the what-should-be simple sports affair, but not trusting the school just yet to take care of itself. Carmilla leans apathetically beside her, coming along to 'Get you out of the trouble you'll somehow cause, cupcake,' but making sure Laura knew how very unhappy she was with it.

"Team moral, it's been proven to enhance the likelihood of a team winning by encouraging their good performance with support--YOU CALL THAT A FOUL, I'LL SHOW YOU UNRULY CONDUCT," Perry erupts out of her place next to Laura, waving her fist clutching a tiny flag with a Summer Society emblem.

LaFontaine leans over across the possessed Perry to assure Laura, "It's her anger outlet. Just let it happen."

Sports things happen, in sports ways, which Laura can only half follow Perry's attempts at translating. All she knows is Summer Society is in lead with 10 points followed closely by Zeta Omega Mu's nine. The Alchemy club makes an effort to increase their score from three even though there's only a minuet left in the game. However, the last team, Tau Chi Omega, stands situated around the field not moving since their last score of three. Laura doesn't know much about anything that's happening, but that seems, not how sports go. 

"That seems not how sports go." Laura says out loud, inspecting the group closer. They're facing forward towards the same direction of the crowd, ignoring the flag scrabble behind them.

"Maybe they realized they were playing a game with the object of success fixated on a flag with a smiley face on it and came to their senses," Carmilla sighs, slouching somehow further against Laura.

"But, do they have to look so--so--angry about it?" Which they did, very much so. Every member was tense, hunched over and staring at everyone in the bleachers, focusing in on some particular person for a short while before looking over to the next. "Since when do we have another fraternity? I thought we only had the one? Am I really that out of the social scene? How long has Tau Chi Omega been here?" 

Carmilla perks up, lifting her head a bit. "Tau Chi Omega?" She turns completely to the field, chewing her bottom lip. "Tau Chi Omega. Why does that sound familiar.T-ch-om?" 

The scoreboard counts down from five, and the crowd riots over the Summer Society's and Zeta Omega Mu's final showdown. Carmilla keeps repeating the odd-team-out's phonetics. In the final second The Alchemy Club scuffles into the other teams flag tug-o-war, scampering across the line and winning an extra point. 

Everything goes to hell. 

One of the Tau Chi Omega's standing in the front lights a match and sets another on fire, who explodes in flames immediately. Before anyone can really process what just happened the same person _on fire_ opens his arms and screams, " _Ten, Nine, Four, Three, Cthulhu we command thee to summon forth to us Tcho-Tcho, in which we dine upon the greatest warriors flesh of ourselves with you and with the Angler Fish God set our Earth free_." The Tau Chi Omega closest to Kirsch takes a bite out of his forearm and spits it into the fire guy.

" _Ow, fucking fucking fuck fuck, why am I always the one bitten?!"_ Kirsch screams, clutching the open wound which bleeds into the ground next to the fire.    

The ground shakes, Bulby shrieks in some patterned calls in the distance, and the ground envelops all the players feet holding them in place on the field. 

"Oh," Carmilla says. "Those guys." 

As the world begins to tremble with a rising black hole surrounding the area, stabilizing the hold on the the bleachers and field, in suspended space which has Laura stretched and impacted all at once. Everything is empty, until a hand holds onto Laura's shoulder and let's her live again. She looks over to Carmilla, who stares back intensely. There's something in Carmilla's eyes, something that replaces the assurance they always hold. Laura holds onto her face and kisses her with whatever left she has, wanting to remember her eyes the way they were. 

So, maybe Laura experienced a little of a lot in her life. Maybe she only got a bit of a taste for what she could've had, but all she can think about is how she had it, how good it had been to have, and even if she's losing it and herself here she'll never regret what this place has give her.

Then LaFontaine whistles, calling out, "Bulby! Little help here buddy," and breaks the moment. 

"Goddamnit, LaF, can you not think of that stupid fish for one second--" Perry is cut off by a roared squeal in the midst of inky black that surrounds everything. 

Abruptly, the nothingness melts away. In its wake a giant octopus with legs and arms and wings and eyes that seem to have seen everything is left. 

"Is. That." Laura starts. 

"Cthulhu." Carmilla says, forehead in her hands shaking her head. "Of course, it's fucking Cthulhu." 

There's a gurgled blurb from the giant creature of death and destruction, answered by a shrill cry from Bulby in the distance. This exchange goes on for some time, Cthulhu changing tones of the bloops and Bulby reciprocating each noise. Everyone stands still, even the Tcho-Tcho, staring and waiting for some development past a singing Cthulhu and Angler Fish Demigod. 

The development turns towards Carmilla, with Cthulhu leveling down his head tentacles barely brushing her face. Laura's about to do something very stupid, like stand up against a giant octopus demon thing to defend her girlfriend who no doubt has control over the situation, until Carmilla stands up, arms crossed like some put out teenager. 

Cthulhu lets out a scolding burble, tentacles pointing accusingly at Carmilla, who rolls her eyes in response. "How was I supposed to know that was Cthylla?" 

"Gurgle, blurb, gurgle, gurgle," Cthulhu says. 

"Yeah, well Mother never really let me in on the secrets. I remind you being grounded in a box for years. Literally." 

"Blub," Cthulhu says in exasperation. 

"Okay, I probably should've assumed based on the limited supply of aquatic based Gods living in the Earth's core, but there isn't much resemblance. And honest we were never a part of getting her stuck."

" _Bllllllbbbbllllblbllblbllllllll_ \--"

"Sorry, honey, we beat you to it. The Wicked Witch is dead. Your family namesake is avenged and all, now can you take care of," Carmilla twirls her hand around the field with captured Flag capturer players, a group of cannibalistic Cthulhu worshipers one of which still untroubled about being on fire, and Bulby wriggling in the background. 

"Blorple, gurlge, blub," Cthulhu pats Carmilla on the head with one tentacle. The same sensation of loss with the world returns for a brief moment, before restoring to campus without a Cthulhu, a giant Angler Fish Demigod (named Cthylla?), and cannibals on the field. 

"What just--"

"Cthulhu picked up his daughter from her overstayed slumber party, no biggie, misunderstanding," Carmilla fills Laura in fast. 

"That was--"

"Based on the mythos and relevant data empirically supporting my hypothesis, what with the damning evidence of Cthulhu responding to Bulby, she had to have been related to Cthulhu. Probably what attracted the Tcho-Tcho's too." LaFontaine helpfully chimes in, smiling at Carmilla. "Thanks for helping her out, she was really outgrowing her fish tank." 

"And where are the--" 

"Thuly, probably sent them on a holiday around his metaphysical vortex where they can worship him for awhile, until Cthylla gets hungry again, I guess." 

Laura sits. Laura sits in bleachers on a field in a University Campus. Laura sits in bleachers on a field in a University Campus almost destroyed by a giant octopus entity summoned by cannibals, only to be saved by her vampire girlfriend knowing said giant octopus entity and sending back his daughter. There's only one thing Laura needs to know. 

"How. Do you. Know Cthulhu?" 

Carmilla looks over and shrugs, "He's my godfather." 

 

 

 


End file.
